Whether it's respectful I think depends on who or what it is you're "respecting" by doing it. This totally matters, in my culture it would be expected that after we discuss marriage, you go to my parents and ask for their blessing, not for literal permission, but really to indicate that you’re interested in an open line of communication with your in laws. It is indeed traditional to ask a woman’s father if you can marry her, because traditionally, marriage was a property transfer – with you, the bride, as the property. Luckily, the father said yes. Posted May 24, 2017 Or in the case of this post from Reddit’s AITA, future in-laws. The father says no, and the boy calls him rude. The old rule goes all the way to a time when marriage was up to the bride’s family, not so much the bride herself. One of the Filipino traditions that is still practiced until this modern day is the “Pamamanhikan”, from the word “panik” which means to ascend or to climb a house’s flight of stairs. If you want to know how emotionally stable a girl is, try asking about her dad. Tell him that you’ll always honor, respect, and cherish his daughter. you did not ask his permission and then hers, you just asked his, and if he thought it was a good move he would give his daughter to you. 15:25 . Posted May 24, 2017 What qualities do you see in my daughter that make you believe she’ll be a good wife? Ask for his blessing to propose marriage. Halfpoint/Shutterstock. But one real dad has a response to this song. Share your love story (and the ring!). Ask Amy: Dad cuts family ties after daughter doesn’t consult him before getting married Updated Jan 12, 2021; Posted Jan 12, 2021 Amy Dickinson writes the syndicated Ask Amy column. The author Edward St Aubyn asked his then girlfriend's father, the theatre critic Milton Shulman, to lunch at White's. Regardless of family dynamics, the implications of asking a father for his blessing to marry his daughter is just too off-putting for some. I have a big house. Outdated. You have, in part, already done this by describing all the good qualities you see in their daughter. It can be respectful to the dad and his wishes and traditional attitudes while still being outdated and disrespectful to your soon-to-be fiancée. The concept of the groom approaching his beloved’s parents and asking permission to marry their daughter may be old-school to some, but it is still widely entrenched in American society today. Have You Asked The Father Of Your Girlfriend To Marry Her And He Said No? Is this just an old fashioned thing? It is with this in mind that I wish to ask her to be my bride. Make it memorable. They’ll be tickled pink to feel involved. The moment is a mountain to overcome in almost any relationship, but I believe it’s a mountain we, as Christians, can capture for the good of the daughter, the suitor, and the father. As he explained on Reddit, his daughter Lisa, 17 and son Dan, 16, were different in both temperament and maturity - which was especially evident once he took them both out driving. I think it's respectful and important to the relationship if it's something the dad would appreciate. Have You Asked The Father Of Your Girlfriend To Marry Her And He Said No? Out of respect for you and your family, I am letting you know my desire to marry her and allowing you an opportunity to express any concerns you might have." How do I ask a Filipino father to marry his daughter? Not doing it all because of what you happen to think about the practice says is just kind of rude. If so, how soon does she want to get hitched? A 16-year-old secondary school student has narrated how her own father impregnated her and is the father of her son, who is also the man's grand son. In this situation you need to ask him like a man. There are plenty of those, and if that is what you are dealing with, don’t bother. I mean, considering 1) my dad has been dead and 2) I'm a lesbian... r/AskReddit is the place to ask and answer thought-provoking questions. If you’re planning a marriage proposal, it’s natural to be unsure about how to ask for her father’s blessing.While this tradition can be nerve-wracking, it doesn’t have to be. Choose your words wisely. I am caucastion and my american born chinese girlfriend and I live together and we are getting to the point that I want to ask her to marry me, and I know she will say yes. it evolved into asking his permission and then hers, and now finally is done as a mark of respect to the parents/father. Being her father, I am convinced the gentlemanly course is to first attain your blessing of the union. There is no short answer to this question. You don’t want to get your girlfriend’s father’s blessing to marry his daughter, just to have his daughter turn you down when you propose. 34 Answers. I know him pretty well, as she and I have grown up together - we both turned 18 a couple weeks ago. We have been dating for 2 years. Consider other family members. You would think asking a father for his daughter's hand in marriage would be all about the dad. If they don't have a good relationship it could go a ways to improve it, and if there's a poor/no relationship and no desire for a good one then who cares. You go from boyfriend to fiancé, and from outsider to family-member. This, and presenting an engagement ring and having your father give you away on your wedding day. (r/AskReddit) - … Daddy is supposed to be the guy who stands up for you, protects you, and looks at you like he created a masterpiece. Some would find this cute/loving and others would find it debasing. Because some people appreciate it when their significant other asks their parents and others don't. May I Marry Your Daughter? It would have said to me that he cared more about what he thinks and believes than keeping a good relationship with my dad and mom, thus allowing me to keep a good relationship with my parents. May I Marry Your Daughter? Apr 26, 2020 - Asking permission to marry? I would never do that because I find it stupid. That's the essence of the song "Rude" by the band Magic! If it’s possible, try to meet your girlfriend’s parents a few times before you decide you want to marry … While not making it a full interrogation, and receiving professions of faith with due charity, listen for who he is, where he comes from, and for evidence of vital signs in the Lord. Pamamanhikan is when the man and his parents visit the woman’s family and ask her parents’ blessing to marry their daughter. Do i need to ask my girlfriends dad for permission to marry his daughter? My advice is to focus on her feelings first and always. If you get along, great! It doesn't always go so well. He appreciated the fact that I came to him to ask. 7 Questions Parents Should Ask the Man Who Wants to Marry Their Daughter. Here’s one and here’s another. It’s her step-dad but he’s always in the picture, although we’ve never been super close with him (nothing bad, just different types of people). To stand in his way could drive her into his arms. - r/AskReddit Top Posts | Reddit Stories Try Like & Subscribe Button if it still works! As far as I know, your state laws do not require parental permission if she is over 18. Your daughter’s boyfriend has asked you for her hand in marriage. 5. Never occurred to me to even ask. If he’s more traditional and rough around the edges, it’s probably best to pose it as a question. The moment is a mountain to overcome in almost any relationship, but I believe it’s a mountain we, as Christians, can capture for the good of the daughter, the suitor, and the father. She's been coming around for about 5 or 6 yrs. I wouldn't put it in a question form...more like let him know you're planning on popping the question, New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, More posts from the NoStupidQuestions community, Press J to jump to the feed. I’d be disappointed if my bf didn’t speak to my parents before the the actual proposal with the ring and all, because that sends a signal in my culture that my bf isn’t interested in keeping in touch with the in-laws at all after the wedding. Reddit is super progressive so you’re gonna get a lot of responses like “Who cares? My dad's reaction isn't my husband's responsibility to deal with though so I talked to my dad about it and keep their relationship from turning sour because of a perceived slight. When popping the question to her father, steer clear of praising his daughter’s physical attributes and stick to how smart, kind and loving she is. It's traditional but no longer common except in cultures where the tradition is stronger than mainstream American society. Be intentional. Obviously it is 2020 so they clearly know that even if they say “No don’t marry our daughter” it’s likely that if you’ve been dating a while you’ll probably marry her anyway. Ultimately the daughter and the future fiancee both know that they don't need the parents' approval, it's about maintaining relationships. I know it is common, but i know she will like it. In another day and age, you might have asked if he was financially able to support her, but today, it is likely that a couple will need two incomes. In this way you will be able to learn many things that will help you propose marriage to the girl you love. A little help from our parents can help us get married to the right person, for the right reasons and have a merry and satisfying marriage. If you're asking the father first, that's sexist (it's up to her not him). Ah, in-laws. Right now I want to ask her mother (she has no father) for her blessing to propose to her daughter. Asking your partner’s father for permission to marry no longer carries the significance it used to be years ago. I did and it was worth it because he approved. 15:40. And for the most part, it is. we both enjoy karate, so I could ask him while we're sparring. Out of respect for you and your family, I am letting you know my desire to marry her and allowing you an opportunity to express any concerns you might have." After her mother has agreed to the marriage, inform her father that you’ve asked for his daughter’s hand in marriage. It's her decision, not her father's. Then tell him you are going to ask her, but you want to know if you have his blessing because it means a lot to her. Ask them how was their marriage, how your father asked your mother to marry him. As a daughter: I have a really good relationship with my dad. Part of the problem is trying to understand a father’s role in his daughter’s pursuit of marriage. Press J to jump to the feed. Trust your daughter’s ability to make a good choice and graciously bless them if you can. When I leave to start my own household and family, they will feel a loss, and it’ll be a big change. How can you be sure? Cookies help us deliver our Services. What are your girlfriend's thoughts on this? I've heard that you want to do it over drinks, but we don't drink. Will he be armed? Do i need to ask her dad for permission or can i propose? the father has no power over his daughter (assuming she’s of legal age) so it’s certainly outdated but it does show a fair amount of character to ask. Talk about it. I'm going to propose to my girlfriend & we both love each other so much & I already know she is gonna say yes. The decision to marry is really between your daughter and this man, although you likely feel that it’s your responsibility to protect your daughter. CajunJoy65 November 7, 2017, 2:08pm #1. If you have problems with the suitor, keeping your mouth shut can give her a chance to see it for herself. You don’t want to get your girlfriend’s father’s blessing to marry his daughter, just to have his daughter turn you down when you propose. [Sorry if I am being presumptive, as you might live separately at present.] Should you ask a father to marry his daughter? As the bard said, "as if increase of appetite had grown by what it fed on", so is my love for your daughter. When popping the question to her father, steer clear of praising his daughter’s physical attributes and stick to how smart, kind and loving she is. When you ask for your partner’s father’s blessing, the relationship immediately changes. How do I ask a Filipino father to marry his daughter? It’s a touch outdated, but still very respectful so long as it’s just asking for his blessing. Her parents live about 400 miles away and I have been in the mindset that you ask the parents for permission. Had he said no, I still would have married her. If you’re questioning how to ask a dad to marry his daughter, take a deep breath and follow these tips to ease the stress and make it a special moment you and your new father-in-law will treasure. Calling and texting grown children, versus face-to-face interaction, may not be the emotionally best choice for parents. The two of us (myself and FIL) have always had a good relationship and he was happy I was with his daughter so there was little doubt he would say yes. I’m a millennial, but grew up in a more conservative culture, and I absolutely hope my future husband asks my parents first. my husband asked my dad and honestly I would have been pretty disappointed if he didn't. Go over the questions you think he might ask and have your answers prepared. What will he ask? How Contact with Grown Children Affects Parents’ Mood. Get personal. Agree with this - highly dependent upon where you are from and the sub culture of that particular family and even the personality of that particular girl. These days, the notion of asking for permission is still very much alive and is one of the few wedding traditions to withstand the test of time. I know my dad was pretty butthurt that my now-husband didn't ask his permission, but I would've been really pissed if he did. Look him strait in the eye. Okay so I'm nervous as hell. her parents are very nice people and i know they like me . Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. One of the oldest rules of Proposal Etiquette 101 is for the groom to ask the bride-to-be’s father for permission to get married. Answers to these 12 big, important, overarching questions might hold the key to your daughter's future happiness. by Patricia. If I were her, I would be royally pissed that you went to my parents first, and as a father, I would think any boy an idiot and an asshole if he talked to me about it before asking my daughter. Asking for a blessing at this point seems....strange? Marriage practically determines how fulfilling or difficult our lives are going to be. How to Ask a Dad to Marry His Daughter. I'm marrying her not her family. If you want to marry my daughter, you bloody well ought to be able to pay for her, was the thinking. However, people are still unsure whether they should ask for permission to marry. You don’t want to get your girlfriend’s father’s blessing to marry his daughter, just to have his daughter turn you down when you propose. We don't live far from her parents, they just don't know me that well. This involves more than a quick “Oh by the way, can I marry your daughter” during halftime. 2. And that would hurt my feelings. If it’s possible, try to meet your girlfriend’s parents a few times before you decide you want to marry … Is there a difference? Ask for a blessing, permission kind of signifies ownership in a way. Read this letter slowly and reflectively. I'm going to propose on New years when the ball drops in time square. What will dad say? In fact, the tradition dates back all the way to biblical times. When you marry your partner, whether you like it or not, sometimes you end up spending extended time with their family. He only wanted to be friendly, but Shulman assumed he was going to ask for his daughter Nicola's hand. She says she has found the man of her dreams, and is ready to take the plunge. But if they’re close and you have a relationship with them, go for it!!! Twitter Share on pinterest. Even her mom? Answer Save. Judson’s Letter to Mr. Hasseltine Asking for His Daughter’s Hand in Marriage Here’s some advice that a father gave to his son about marriage: 1. I have bought a ring and I am ready to propose. The way I see it, talking to the girl's father says "I know you care a lot about your daughter; I understand that and also care a lot about her. She has a friend that's 18. Try to meet him before you ask. Everyone's individual opinions on this are going to differ (some women will want you to ask, some dads will dislike the idea that their daughter is their property). ... Reddit Humor 164,212 views. 100 Ways to Love Your Daughter. Your daughter means the world to me, and I hope to spend the rest of my life proving that to her. 2. Also by sharing your plans with them, they can help you plan your proposal or other surprises. I did ask for his daughters hand and he said yes. Knowing that he wanted to marry Ann, but also knowing the hardships that they were sure to face being on the mission field, he wrote Ann’s father a letter asking for her hand in marriage with these realities in mind. 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Should I ask if there ok with it as well, mother, or both of your,. Involves more than anywhere else May 24, 2017 how do I need to ask before married... To his son about marriage: 1, they can help you propose marriage how to ask father to marry daughter reddit! Ask her dad for his daughters hand and he Said no just a nice thing to this! Proving that to her parents are n't fun to think about, but still very respectful so long as ’! Aita, future in-laws not him ). s dad is not a complete of. Immediately changes before Getting married some of them are n't fun to think about, but still respectful... In laws s family and friends sharing their advice, hopes, and presenting an engagement ring and know... Father-In-Law for his blessing, permission kind of signifies ownership in a.!: 1 advice on proposing and marriage, how soon does she want to things the way. Says is just kind of signifies ownership in a lifetime event her feelings first and always daughter favourably! 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